The Art of Happy

I’ve diligently been working on self reflection, insight and growth.  I’ve found it has been an amazing coping mechanism for dealing with my divorce and the changes that come about from sucha life altering event.  I’m happier than I can remember, even with the road blocks that have come up. 

 Change isn’t easy for anyone and I am no different. It requires one to push out of a comfort zone they have built and ultimately take responsibility for who they are by facing life. 

 I can blame anyone I like but it won’t change where I am and truth be told it won’t help me.  As much as I am angry for the things my ex put me though, I have become a more rounded person having had the experiences I did. I know what I want, who I am, and have more confidence having had to learn the hard way.  In fact I couldn’t have left my ex if I hadn’t become who I am.   

Life is not easy.  Some days I can’t believe how unfair it all seems and how I could have been so blind in thinking what I wanted for us is what my ex also wanted.  Nothing could have been further from the truth.  I guess that is why marriage, honesty and truth can be so hard to come by.  

We have to give so much of who we are and yet in the end it doesn’t help us connect to others unless those we give to believe how we do.  Honesty and loyalty should be the cornerstone of who we are and the building blocks of any good relationship.  Yet to often these values are up for compromise and interpretion.  

Happiness is misunderstood and often seen as an outside source, nothing could be further from the truth.  Happiness comes from who you are, the things in life that give you meaning, purpose and joy and it come from within.  You cannot buy happiness, and really why would you want to? 

For me happiness is the garden I grow, the poetry I write, the job I love,  my children and the love they give me, memories we share.  It is counting on people I love who make me smile, the dog I have licking my face and the joy I get from feeling wind on my face.  

Learning to appreciate the simplicity life has to offer by disconnecting from our over exposure to superficial disingenuous inidation and seeing life for the true value and beauty it offers, just maybe the art of happiness will reemerge.  

It has for me.  

Mwah

It’s All New

I have decided the best thing I can do for myself is to be the best version of myself I can grow into being. To be as organic and true to who I am and all my endeavors, while pushing the boundaries of self awareness and growth.  Some days will be easier than others, after all it is quite a change from being a married mother of three to now having an identity as a woman, who is single and finding out who she really is.

The boundaries I built for myself I’ve removed, as boundaries can confine who we are as much as what we are not and can stymie us from our growth potential .  By the same token, I don’t need someone to define me, I’ll do that on my own as I continue to grow and learn about myself.

This last year has been, a huge change to my life, as well as the best opportunity for growth potential I can ever remember having.  In celebration of the changes I’m experiencing, (good and bad),  I  decided to make a bucket list for myself. This year my growth, learning and gaining aspects of life that bring joy or happiness to my being is the first step in accepting my path, after all I have the ultimate control.

With the help of people in my life, I plan to let go of my past, forgive, and move on.  Life, as precious as it is, needs to be enjoyed and cherished and above all lived.  I intend on living, loving, giving, being kind and finding who I really am.  April marks a year since I filed for divorce.  Something I wanted after now 22 years of marriage, but regardless it is still hard.  Somehow we lose our identity as an individual, forget what we wanted out of life until something awakens us.  I am awakened.

 

no more looking back

to see what I once was

tears of sadness leave

pain; all but replaced

future’s ahead of me

their is no disgrace.

I learn to lean on me

to see me straight through

as I make my mark

become the light of hope

in my world

as it changes and I grow

unstoppable I’ll become

for I’ve found it to be

happiness comes from me

 

 

 

 

 

 

Existential

No longer what I write is esoterica in nature.  I will not vaunt with pride, as I move cozily ahead into what it means to live life pure and simple.  I welcome with pride and elation, the start of things to come as I fill my life with zest.  As I bid adieu to impracticality, focused on the trail ahead, I anticipate in the coming weeks, I will encounter changes that are normally associated with divorce.

Not from experience, but from an innate comprehension of life and people, I know assimilating into the changes my life is undergoing is a process.  In order to help myself  I have diligently been working on absorbing as much knowledge of who I am, where I want my life to go and understanding what intrinsic value I have.

To the people who touch my life, I am proud to know each and every one of you.  To my friends, thank you for who you are, I wouldn’t be who I was, am and will be.  Near or far, close of not, value comes in what you altruistically give.  It is a way of showing others how you feel about yourself and are willing to do in the name of love.  I committee to myself, that I will continue to grow, learn and flourish.  That I will embrace all that I hold dear, and grow from what I don’t, in the hopes I can live a well rounded and bountiful life.

In the coming year, I want to enrich my life with social justice, gratitude, a more natural and healthy life style, improving my writing (including grammar and spelling), opening my Etsy store, working to improve my communication skills to obtain more fluidity and better understanding, and positively asserting and connecting with others.

Life isn’t what you buy, how much you buy and your monetary value, it is about the moments, memories, and experiences you carry with you, how you are made to feel, how you make others feel. Its about the exponential monumental way you live your life.  Feel deeply, love deeply, live for today, let go of what you cannot control and experience life with enriching gusto.

I set sail, in my blue boat home, come with me.