Dial it Down

Thursday August 3 was to be a quiet day, with just a little of this and a little of that, overall low key. That is not how it turned out. Trust me, it isn’t a bad thing by any stretch of the imagination, it just became hectic. A meeting came up, cutting my plans short and saying it was long is an understatement. Yet an amazing amount was accomplished by the team I worked with.

I’m not sure if the recent events In my life are what got me thinking or my thoughts over the last few days naturally helped to draw me to the conclusion, but soon my life will contain less emotional instability with which I will have to handle.

With this change I’ll have to learn a new normal, unlike the normal I’ve had for the last few years. In some ways it worries me and in others, I look refreshingly to what it means. For starters it will be less stress for me and my children where we can finally start to move on leaving that segment behind. But again it will be a change.

After twenty plus years I am no longer a possession and can be my own person on my terms – it feels incredible. I can define my life in ways that make me happy, like writing this blog or one day opening and Etsy store, taking care of my health, the list goes on and on.

I feel the changes coming, I’m trying to anticipate them so I can be ready. My own personal
 symphony, powerful and full of life.

I sit here just wishing for the finally. know there will be no great feeling to wash over me or a feeling like I’m winning the lottery, or the climatic sound a symphony has, but instead more like a feeling of an anticlimactic climax, almost empty in feeling . I just know this is how it will be.

Yes that male was a part of my life for twenty plus years, but he no longer is a part of my life and will not be again. Hopefully he will let go and finally stop reading my blog, or feeding his cohorts information about me like I have done the injustice he has done to me. I hope so. But I seriously doubt it.

I will need to find something more worthwhile to talk about, as I have spent too much time moving through this divorce process and using this blog to keep him a sporadic part of me. When the divorce is finished he will not impede my life in the same way ever again.  I have been more than ready to let him damage the poor sap he nabbed to pay his way, money sure make love true.

In any case I will never repeat the past mistakes I did as I am a much stronger and happier person now, and more confident and centered, more than I ever have been. I am ok losing what I did because in the end I gained far more and I will continue to grow.  

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