Alone but Not Forgotten 

I’ve had a day.  A horrifically terrible day. Never would I have imagined life could be this relentless.  Over and over I recited my anguish to myself and a few good friends. I have lived through so much, and yet, when I think it is finally over more comes.  

I get that feeling I can move on, begin to feel confident, and bam! Not today satan!, as my daughter says. I honestly have no idea what was the cause of today’s incident, but I have a gut feeling on what is going on.  Needless to say while I didn’t like what happened, many things came from it.  

Overall I am still working on processing the drama that ensued but suffice it to say what ever happens it will all be over soon.  There is none to my liking, but it will be what it is.  

I cannot remember when I shed as many tears as I did, but while the tears flowed my mind was processing in ways it never has. Have you ever just felt in a way even if you didn’t like what was going on you had been set free in some way?  The key fit not where you wanted it to, but you were glad it did fit where it did because now you could move on. 

I have relinquish a part of myself, drama has never suited me and I don’t wish to engage.  A kind woman, no one I knew was genuinely caring and helpful, for her kindness I am grateful and hopeful. I will find the silver lining to this all even as my heart is filled with such despair.  The truth is never underestimate a person who has hate driving them.  I made the mistake thinking my life would now settle down.  I do hate roller coasters and this one is a doozy and I find it is best if I disembark. 

Too many times we fail to listen to our inner voice or our gut, it will never steer you wrong. I listened but didn’t know what it was telling me, I just couldn’t put my finger on it. I do now, as the events have been set in motion and can’t be changed. I’m ok with that. 

It’s funny I had no idea what to write about not that I’ve said all that much, but mind you it is far more dramatic and inhospitable that even I could not fathom someone would do this, could do this.  I guess when it comes down to it sometimes it boils down to the money, which I feel this is. 

Tonight I say goodbye.  Goodbye to what this night entailed and the emotionally draining way in which it played out. And now I close my eyes.  May kind thoughts follow me and help me with my anguish. 

Peace to all, 

                  But especially me this night. 

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